The Unknown Gospel
The Gospel of the Unknown
Chapter the First
1And it came to pass once upon a time in the
beginning on a dark and stormy night that His Brain spoke to Dirk, saying:
2Just whos talking to who, moron? Note the Cartesian poison
saturating your first verse. Abandon this increasingly
self-indulgent enterprise, leave Cincinnati, drive west, seek answers
to questions that have not yet been asked. And, also, party.
3And Dirk listened to His Brain and departed Cincinnati and
visited those regions that actually have a visible topography, landscape
more varied than denuded forests blanketed with corn
and industry, that is, he crossed the Mississippi River and entered a
zone both material and mythic, both home and estranged (in the Heraclitean
sense), both mapped and, ultimatelyand completelyunknown.
4And little did Dirk realize the mischief that would transpire
upon his departure, perpetrated by his co-authors, who seemed intent upon
presenting to the world a hypertext simulacrum of Dirk, a Dirk with
telepathic powers and messianic megalomania, a Dirk who founds a cult
and then exploits his brainwashed followers both sexually and financially,
a Dirk whose pious yearnings and proclamations operate only as a thin
tapestry over the ever-growing suspicion that he is a
complete and total charlatan, amoral and reprehensible, despite an
occasional poem that merited a pause, a Dirk, in short, who perhaps
deserves to die, and does, courtesy of his
5And Dirk pondered the conundrum of leaving on a journey in
order to contemplate how to handle this loss of control
over the hypertexted guru masquerading under his name, the conundrum that
the loss of control occurred while he was journeying making it impossible
(since he sought not the Net while he was away), impossible for him to
contemplate what was happening, so impossible that actually Dirk never
pondered that conundrum at all, since he did not know it could exist until
he returned from said journey and discovered the aforementioned mischief
and then got the idea of reconfiguring said journey via the messiah-in-the-wilderness-for-forty-days-and-forty-nights
trope into the gospel you are now reading.
6And Dirk imagined what Dirk would do during such a retreat
from the maddening (and libido-draining) rigors of cult leadership.
7And Dirk consulted the notebook he wrote in during his journey.
8And Dirk transcribed portions of the notebook and inserted
them into the hypertext.
9And Dirk saw that it was good.
Unknown Gospel, Chapter the First
at Priceless Books, Urbana, IL
374K RealAudio Clip