ow just what do you want
out of me, young lady? Sea anenomes bones? They dont got bones,
theyre mushy critters, and damned ugly, too. Why would you want . . .
what was that? You got to speak up. My ears
never were any good and now that Im as old as a foul-mouthed pet
store parrot, theyre about as useful as garbage can lids in an
meteor storm. What? The phone? Is the phone ringing? You better
answer it because I sure as hell cant use the fuckin thing. Havent
used a phone in over thirty years, I think. Unless it was one of
those close-captioned things, but I cant stand the typeface they
use, you know what I mean? Whyre you shaking your head? Its not the
phone. Dadblame it. You just better write out whatever youre trying
to say. I just cant hear worth a mules spermatazoa, if you know
what Im drivin at. Thank you. Sorry to be so much trouble. Lets
see here. Oh! The Unknown! You want my memories of the Unknown. Uh
huh. Let me guess, you went out to visit my old collaborators and they were no help because . . . what
are they, in their eighties or something?
And senile as logs, I bet. Poor bastards.
They started taking drugs way too young. Just caught up with 'em.
Well, lets see . . . the Unknown, hmmmm. That whole time was
something, I must say. Lot of fun. Lot of heartache. We had our share
of arguments, thats for sure. Youve heard about the huge Krass-Mueller stink, I suppose. They
were teaching it in the schools for awhile there. The Unknown, that
is. Yep, those were the days. Ill let you in on a secret, though.
Aint never told anyone this. Theres been a lot of bullshit shat
concerning why the Unknown went their separate ways, gave up
the collaborative partnership, and all. None of it true. None of it.
The real reason is this: housekeeping. We just had different views on
how to clean house. Admittedly, I was a bit more anal then, and
probably a big pain in the patoot, but every time one of those
weenies came over to my house, they broke something or spilled
something or left a towel in the toilet, you know what I mean? It got
irritating. Finally, I couldnt take it anymore and I just said, Fuck
it. Walked away and never looked back. I still love those
guys, though. Man, could they write . . .