S: We were discussing in the car, earlier, ah, we were talking about how Cincinnati is actually a nice town, ah, because right now in the hypertext, all that we have are sort of—pliants—pliant—complaints—does that make sense?

D: Get the picture.

S: Whines. Yeah. . . a lot of negativity, mostly written by Dirk. So, ah—

D: I’ve not written very much about Cincinnati at all, as far as I know.

S: Well, we haven’t really written much. It was just, that first night, it was all, just, you know, ripping on the poor town. Even earlier on this tape, we didn’t start to get into all the wonderful things about why it’s good here. Uh, and Brian’s actually a native of Cincinnati.

B: Yes I am.

S: One of the coolest Cincinnati natives I’ve ever met.

D: Yeah. Before we get into this, I’d like to raise a question with Brian. In all the time you’ve spent with Scott, have you ever heard him say anything positive about Cincinnati, until this moment, when he no longer lives in Cincinnati and is only visiting? And don’t you find that curious?

B: That is curious. So, Scott, what is it that’s bringing you back to Cincinnati outside of obligation?

S: Ah, well I really miss the place. There’s nothin’ like an afternoon, playing a little disc golf at Mount Airy Forest, goin’ to Skyline and gettin’ a five-way, and then headin’ up to Graeter’s, gettin’ yourself a nice chocolate chip double scoop ice-cream cone, going to La Rosa’s, and sittin’ down for a second meal, gettin’ yourself a nice, ah, nearly-Italian-style calzone. And then, of course, we often forget what a great research institution the University of Cincinnati is, ah. . . . There’s a lot of character to Cincinnati, you know? It’s one of the towns where, ah—

D: It’s got characters, all right.

S: —where people are proud to live here, and, uh, you know, 800,000 Cincinnatians can’t be wrong. . . . Well what do you like about Cincinnati, Brian? You stayed here.

B: Geography. I think I’ve decided that’s what keeps me here.

D: What keeps you here?

B: The hills.

D: The hills?

B: You could go anywhere else in the Midwest, essentially, you’re dealing with flat, barren land. But in Cincinnati, I think we’re fortunate to be in this location where the rivers are hittin’ each other and forming a nice set of hills. And woods, forest. Very different. It does something to you. Go up to Columbus, spend a few days, you’ll drive yourself crazy. There’s just nothing to see.

D: Okay, but we’re comparing Cincinnati to other bland places in this country. Does that mean you need to stay in the least bland of the Midwest? If you want hills, go to Washington. They have mountains. Go to Alaska.

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Scott Sure Likes Cinti
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The Unknown at Spineless Books.